build your beautiful self

One thing I have learned about being a parent over the years.
To be a good parent, your child needs to know you will be there for them no matter what.
The saying goes – “your presence matters more than your presents.”
Children want to be seen, heard, validated and when they need you, you are there for them unconditionally.
My son needed me this week. It was the worst possible week for him to need me near him as far as life circumstances go, but none of the things I had scheduled were more important than my son with the exception of the things my daughter had going on this week. I had to make a choice between the two.
That was the most difficult and painful decision I had to make. It isn’t fun choosing between 2 of your children.
I had a volunteer day planned that I had been looking forward to for months, I had a 5th grade graduation ceremony and brunch following the ceremony, I had a last day of school and of elementary school clap out where the entire school did a send off for the 5th graders, and a bunch of appointments.
I missed all of that because my son was in pain and needed his mom to take care of him. It lit him up and made him instantly feel a little better and definitely loved that I flew halfway across the country to be with him.
He healed nicely while I was there and was comfortable leaving to come back home when I did. Love definitely helped him feel better more quickly.
I was sad to leave, but happy that he was in a good place when I did, and thanks to technology, I was able to see the graduation ceremony so my other child knew that she was important to me too and even though I wasn’t physically there, I was there.

Life is challenging. Being a parent is challenging. I spend a lot of time feeling bad about how I was as a parent when my son was young. Hell, we grew up together since I was 17 when I became a mom. I had no idea what I was doing and my role models were worse then I was at being a parent. We didn’t have the internet and social media telling us how to parent and providing the support and criticism that social media provides now. We had to figure it out, and I am a Gen X so I was raised in the spanking your kids, run around til the lights came on era . Not to mention a latch key kid with so very little supervision. I had no idea what successful parenting looked like and I was also a kid that didn’t know my head from my ass at that point in my life.
I learned that it doesn’t matter what happened in the past. My kid may have traumas to work through and so do I. I have many regrets in my parenting past that I wish I could change now that I am more mature.

What I learned, you can’t change the past. You can only ask for forgiveness and work on what you do today. The future is only imaginable but it is just the future. You need to focus on today and what you can do to make your child feel loved, seen, and appreciated today, and if you sucked as a parent in the past, apologize and be the parent you know you want to be now.

I love my children and would go to the ends of the earth and back for them. I showed my son how much he means to me this week and I am grateful I was able to make him feel special. I am happy he is alive and healing.