build your beautiful self

Halfway through the first month of the year and I would say it is going pretty well for me.
We are moving and shakin in the new business and I am feeling great!
The beginning of the years always go like this though. First couple months are on fire, working toward hitting my target achievements that were set the end of the year before, then obstacle come about, the market shifts, some random BS happens that throws me off my game and then I don’t know whether I am coming or going for the rest of the year. I don’t know whether to pivot or stay the course, believe or disprove.
Does that happen to you?

I have been working really hard to make this year great and taking in some of my old success habits that brought me to the top of my game 10 years ago that had been lost in the brain fog and the need to not be a work-a-holic,

Upon self reflection and staying in relatively the same spot for many years due to uncertainty of what I was working toward, following the shiny, large profit making idea, and doing things that I really just didn’t like doing, I found I had really lost myself and what was priority to me. It’s ironic isn’t it?
What I realized after years of self work, identifying what makes me me, and going through the hormonal changes that delivered the makings of a mid life crisis, I found what I needed and I developed my list of priorities that I can stand behind and feel good about.

Alissa’s Priorities (in order of importance):
1. Myself – this includes self care, exercise, reading, my love life, my sex life, embracing my creativity and spending my time on things that give me energy – not take energy from me.
2. My family – I rolled through my 20’s and 30’s as an impressionable person, a driven person, and one who put work and financial gain over all else. I allowed people to walk all over me, I allowed people to treat me and my children poorly due to lack of boundaries, and the only time I spent with my immediate family were events like birthdays, holidays, and milestones. I lost time that I could have been stronger, a better parent, a better daughter and sister, and alone time with my parents that would have meant the world to them. My dad is gone so I don’t get to experience things like that with him in person, only in spirit. I have dedicated myself to making sure that I don’t lose the time from now going forward.
3. My business – In order to live the way I want to live, do the things I want to do and be the person I am proud of, I want to create a business that serves me. One that is highly profitable and allows me to work in my creative zone while still staying in the business that I have loved and hated for so many years of my life. Before my business was my identity, now it fits into my life as a piece but not the whole. It allows me to be excited in the mornings and satisfied in the evenings. It is my outlet for my artistic soul and the driver that will provide for my family in a way that suits me.
4. My volunteering - This is something that lights me up. I volunteer in my community to give back. I have experience, insight and vast problem solving capabilities. I can offer support and love to people and a sense of community. They always say that you should do the work that doesn’t seem like work and it will fill your soul. I do the things that fill my soul as a volunteer and want to give back to the community that has given me the opportunities I live in every day. I always try to make at least 1 person’s day better every day. I want to be the light in a sometimes dark existence. Then I know I am doing it right.
5. My Spiritual life – This is a work in progress. I am trying to find my way in the world of infinite options when it comes to being spiritual. I didn’t align with religion in my youth. It was more of a forced way to be, rather than a journey. I didn’t look like or live like the other kids that I grew up with in the realm of religion and my Temple, so it was an extension of grade school where I was alienated, isolated and made fun of. One things that my friends used to tell me was that I always get what I want and always achieve my goals. I believe that because I thought about it, lived it, breathed it, and set my mind on achieving it, I got it. This aligns with Universal intelligence and the law of attraction. How does that fit into Judaism though? Is it similar, incorporated in, or separate from the law of attraction. Am I honoring something other than my G-D? I don’t think so but I have added this to my list because it is so important as a component to a fulfilling life. You have to believe in yourself and something else that is there to support you.
6. My friendships – Having friends and community is so important to healthy living. Humans evolved by being in a community, or a tribe. The studies on longevity and blue zones (groups of people that live to be over 100 years old) all have the same things in common. They move their body every day, they eat whole foods and they are a part of a community or a group of friends. There is a reason why elderly couples that grow up and old together end up passing shortly after their spouse. They are their own little infrastructure. If the surviving spouse doesn’t have support from their family or a group of friends to fill the hole left by the spouse, they end up passing much sooner then if they have a group of people surrounding them. I consciously make efforts to keep friends in my life. It is much much harder as an adult because lives get busy but I make friend time a priority for my health and happiness.

As you can see, I have spent considerable time working on my list and the reasons why each are important.
The process I went through to get to these in the order I have them listed at was pretty simple but takes some work on your part.

So let me ask you, what did you set for new years resolution goals this year? If you are like most, they are things like:
Workout more or start working out
Eat Healthier
Make a million dollars
Travel more
Save Money
etc…

Sound about right? Well you are not alone but if you look at the lists of things that you set for yourself, what of those do you think you will accomplish? What do you think you are willing to change habits for over the long haul? Do you see a list of priorites forming from what you are setting for yourself?

For me, I set monetary goals, business goals, and exercise goals mostly, year after year.
I took a long hard look at the ones I wasn’t achieving year after year and realized that I wasn’t setting my priorites up correctly based on my internal values and the things I actually wanted to change in my life. I was being totally superficial.
I found that It was very helpful to first identify what I had regrets about over the years. My family life, my parenting, my work habits, my eating and self care habits….
I then worked backwards from there. I was introduced to the wheel of life from a friend of mine. If you haven’t seen it, definitely look it up. It is basically a pie sliced up into 8 pieces and you are supposed to rank where you feel you are hitting within each of the slices. This helped me gain perspective on what I should be focusing on for priority setting. After you unbiasly rank each of the sections, you can see where you put most of your focus and what you feel you are lacking in.
Taking into account the regrets I mentioned earlier and looking at your self ranking you can see where you feel you are falling short.

Now that you know where you are, you can decide where you want to change.
Remember that if you rank yourself low in a few areas, you have the luxury to determine whether you want to make this a priority area of your life or not. It will give you a chance to dig into why it hasn’t been a priority and the mental roadblocks you have set up for yourself in that area.

Using my example of family. I was prioritizing work over family because I thought that bringing money to the table, I would be able to do amazing things with my family and it would allow me to spend quality time with them. I realized that quality time with them didn’t have to be spending money. It could just be spending time with them. I missed out on many hours of time that could have been spent with them, helping them, showing them the love and support they want, not the dollars.

While you are reviewing your rankings on the wheel or jotting them down in a notebook, think about why these are or aren’t important to you. Are you willing to make this a higher priority or is this the level of commitment you are happy with. Do you feel that your business should be on the top or your family, or yourself? What comes first, second, third? If you have a free hour in your day, what would you choose to spend that hour doing? Working on your spirituality? Working on something in your business? Getting a massage?

Take this approach with each section and write out what is important to you now and rank each section by level of importance. Follow up the list with why you want it and what you need to do to achieve growth in that area.

You now have a priority list for your life and a plan to get there.
I suggest writing this out and putting it somewhere that you can review daily. I keep them in my journal at the front. I set up my days and weeks based on what I said was priority and evaluate how my week went at the end.

I hope this helps you plan out your life based on your priorities and not all the distractions that come from others or your environment.
Cheers to a life on your terms!