build your beautiful self

Yesterday started out wonderful.

I got up before the sun, made my boyfriend his lunch while I drank coffee and he got ready for the day, drove the little one to her summer program while enjoying the soft layer of fog over the valley as the sun was peeking over the mountains, and then back home. As I drove home, I was listening to a really good book about building business and internet revenue. I had my thinking cap on for sure and I planned on crushing the day.

When I got home, I worked on the most important tasks of the day as they had been lingering for a few days. I got a call from one of the girls I work with. She had told me about her experiences the day before and what she was working on. I admire her ambition! She reminds me of younger me. A girl out there bootstrapping a real estate business together.

We discussed a particular property she was looking at and needed my help digging into the property to find people who were connected to the home. I told her I would dig up the owners down at the courthouse and we could see what we could do with this property.

This led me to my afternoon. I drove downtown near the courthouse and proceeded to circle the frustrating one way roads of a downtown metro area trying to find parking on the street, because parking in a lot or ramp was $20 – $30 for the day. I was only planning on an hour and a half visit so I didn’t want to pay for a full day. After circling, for what seemed like forever, missing by seconds many spots, I found a 30 min spot that was free so I snagged it. I was only 3 blocks from where I needed to go and I only needed to look up 1 property while I was there.

I started walking toward my destination following the gps on my phone because I didn’t realize that I was as close as I was. I turned my last corner and was only 2 blocks away from where I needed to go so I dropped my hand and continued on my path. Up ahead I could see a homeless guy talking to himself and walking toward my direction. I got an uneasy feeling and all of a sudden, his sights were locked on me and I could see the anger come over his face.

He was probably 6 foot tall and seemed like he weighed 100lbs dripping wet. He we super skinny, balding and he had no teeth in his mouth. You can tell due to the concave area of his face where his teeth were supposed to be. He was dirty and tan, he wasn’t wearing a shirt and his pants were too short for his legs. He had a white slime around his mouth as he stormed toward me speaking all types of profanities at me and spitting while he yelled.

I could tell he was coming to destroy me and when he got within 3 feet of me he started raising his fists and proceeded to strike. I am grateful in that moment I was highly aware of the threat that was coming my way, but there was no signs of weapons in his hands and he was obviously mentally impaired. When he struck at me, I blocked his hand and shoved him away from me.

There were many people in the streets so I started shouting “GET AWAY FROM ME” as loud as possible so people looked and I started backing away. He tried to come forward at me while I was walking and I dialed the police. I was able to cross the street and deter him from following me further. There were 2 gentleman standing on the corner I was headed toward and they allowed me to stand behind them while I was on the phone.

My hands were trembling with the surge of adrenaline coursing my body, but I watched this guy continue to scream profanities and calling me all kinds of names as he walked away from me. After I got off the phone with the police, I texted my man and he called me immediately back. We chatted for a while as I waited for the police to come then I went on with my day.

I was texting him and my girlfriend who found the property in the first place and there were two different types of conversations that I had. With my man, I decided to throw some funny gifs his way because he was obviously upset that it happened to me and he wasn’t there to protect me. He wanted to be sure I was ok.

I had already full on felt the experience and let it go. We ended up sending a couple more funnies to each other and he said, “I’m glad you can make light of it.” I felt that statement and it lead me to telling this story.

On the other text message chain we were discussing the event and I mentioned I was glad I had fast reflexes or that guy would have punched me in the face. We discussed how scary that would be for anyone experiencing it and how we should carry mace. I agreed and told her I used to carry a knife, but that isn’t good for going into the courtroom. Hell, I used to carry a pistol in my purse. (I don’t have a carry permit for where I live now, or else I would still have one. That is a moot point, however, when you’re going into a courthouse).

This conversation I had with her made me remember the “training” I have had over the years. I have only been a girly girl once in my life, when I was young. Over the course of my teenage to adult years, I have had a TON of self defense training in the “non-traditional” sense, and some traditional also.

I always wrestled with my brother, I hung out with the tough boys to learn how to be accepted into their group. I had a child with a drug and alcohol induced, woman beater (didn’t know this fun fact until after I got pregnant), dated a guy who was all about the outdoors, then onto marrying a marine.

All of this has lead me to this point in my life. To yesterday. A random, psycho homeless person trying to punch me in the face and my quick reaction to that threat.

The question: Victim? Yes or No?

See, the message about making light of this situation such a short time after this happened was a thought provoker. I was really, totally ok when he texted me this. I wasn’t hurt, the guy may or may not have gotten arrested, I was armed with the knowledge of who this guy was now and what he was capable of, and that I was somehow a trigger for him to get violent. If I saw him again, I would go the other way, but be damn sure I would see him coming from a long way off now. His image was ingrained in my brain.

I could have let this event completely spiral me out of control. I could have pulled in all of my past mistakes and experiences to become part of the victim story and turn myself into a wreck over all the past traumas and the present event. I could say to myself and everyone else “I am a victim and a target for people who want to hurt me.”

I didn’t and I am not. It happened. I will definitely not take any homeless person for granted on the streets and always be a little heighted to their actions, but I am NOT a victim. I was a light that he felt needed to be stamped out. He didn’t anticipate someone like me defending myself.

I have taken my own power back as a woman and as a human over and over again in my life. Many experiences of danger and overcoming that danger.

I write this for the women who are afraid to come to the light side, away from the danger and threats. You are NOT the victim today. You are strong enough to get away. You do NOT need to be someone else’s circumstances. You CAN be free of violence. You can overcome your past and live joyously in the present. You deserve so much more.

I am no longer a victim of circumstance. I am strong and resilient. Sometimes you need those crazy homeless guy punches to see how powerful you are or where you need to build strength.

My hope is for you to have peace in your life and that your journey in life is fun and interesting.

Have a wonderful Saturday morning.