build your beautiful self

OVer the years of building my businesses and careers, I would get so wrapped up in them that they would become my identity for the time being.

When I was fresh out of college, I had my first corporate, “Big Girl” job. I was so proud of myself! Super young mother trying to support her family full time while going to school full time was no easy feat. It was a delicate balance but I managed and my son is still alive today! 🙂

I worked for years at this job grasping at any sense of increase in status at this corporate war zone. I finally had landed my place in a spot within the jobs that no one wanted and I was happy. My own place in the world. I was so wrapped up in the job and the life that I had so regimented that it became me. I only wanted to hang with work folk because at the time the only things I had were my son, my workout regimine, and my jobs. It was easy to talk about those things, but I didn’t know who I was. My life was my identity with limited personality. I had been shunned by the popular kids in the work place for my ambition and desire to learn anything I could. I felt that I had found the best people in the building to be friends with but it was apparent I was not well recieved.

I was happy doing my life. I was given a huge wake up call when I was laid off. It was devastating. I thought I was safe. I had a foothold in a project that they would need an experienced person to handle. One by one they called names over the speaker and we had to go into the office, receive the news and our packages and we were made to collect our belongings and be escorted out the building by security. It was demoralizing.

I went home and sobbed with everything I had because I had just lost my identity. I didn’t know who I was anymore or what I was supposed to do. I had bills, a new house, a car payment, and a son.

Fast forward to when I took control of my life.

I started working in real estate on the side until real estate became my thing and the lab work ended up on the side. I dove in head first thinking I was going to make this happen and live spectacularly.

I did for a while.

My work and closing deals became my life. I was a non-stop workaholic. I rolled out of bed around 6:15a and by 6:30 I was on the computer drinking the pot of coffee I had made trying to determine what fires I needed to put out that day. I stayed working through my day, through my dinnertime with my kids, and all the way until 10:30p when I collapsed into my bed. I would pause for movies with the kids or random weekend fun, but my work was who I was and I didn’t feel important enough unless my phone was constantly going off with things I needed to do.

When I was doing other things to try to enjoy life and the fruits of my labors, I was thinking about the amount of things that would be coming my way and it was stressful and difficult to shut off.

My real estate had become my identity. I was slowly coming around however. My inner beauty was trying to filter its’ way to the surface. I started having the desire to share my knowledge to other women. I started a group. The group was awesome! I volunteered. It was amazing.

I still wasn’t myself however and didn’t feel that I could be myself in my circumstances.

I lost it all because of it. I was so depressed when I let it get stripped from me, I had no idea who I was anymore. This was the second time I had lost my identity.

This last year I have been reinventing and allow my true self to show. I am a kind, compassionate, empathetic, driven, inspiring educator. It is my job to share what I know with the world. I love art, I love the outdoors, I love music, I love exploring and being creative, I love LOVE! I have the relationship I have been dreaming of. I live in a place that I have dreamed of, and I am working on my soul work to share with the world so I can potentially make some lives a lot better. I want to inspire and impact and show others the way so I am writing this to tell you to be sure you don’t get lost in the process of building. You will have to work hard to get back the essence that is you!

Cheers to self development!!!