build your beautiful self

Being an adult is difficult sometimes. Throughout this life of mine I have gone out and gotten what I want. If I decide I want a new car, I go get it. House shopping and I see a house that I like, we bought it. Kids want a puppy, well I went out and found it. Want to get started in my own business, I did it.

The problem with this thought process is that it is very short sighted. “I can cover that cost” and “I am on the way to doing great things and being financially free” are the ideas that I have. “Oh it’s only another couple hundred dollars, we spend that on gas and a meal out.” As of late I have really been reflecting on my previous life patterns and assessing what is important in my life and what isn’t as important. Thinking about my vision for life and where I want to be. Not to mention, where I don’t want to be.

I have lived a roller coaster over the last few years trying to hit it big in business. I have had times of flourish and times where I was concerned about staying in the entrepreneur’s world. This is finally catching up with me. Talk about emotional wreck. I think one can only live a roller coaster for so long before they throw up. I, my friends, am in the throwing up phase.

I feel like it is the time of make or break. I am constantly evaluating my choices in life. What to pursue and what to leave in the dust. A mental reflection.

What has really gotten to me on this particular morning is a decision I had to wait to make a purchase of something I have been waiting a lifetime to purchase. This particular decision was a difficult one and the thing I have been longing for will take up a significant amount of commitment and time. I feel at peace when I am with at the place, and want nothing more, but I just couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger before the conditions were right. I apparently have become more risk adverse over the last couple years, which is not a good thing for an entrepreneur (however weighing your options and outcomes is a good thing).

This particular decision is one that has cost me that opportunity. Tides have turned and someone else made the decision for me that I was not going to acquire my object of desire. It leaves me with a very heavy heart this morning. The weather today is a true reflection of my mood. I can say that it is a good thing and it is the universe or something telling me that it isn’t my time to have this, but really it was my back and forth on the decision that caused this to happen. I am now taking responsibility for my choice and living with the consequences.

Yes I am hurt. I feel it to my core. I have to realize that this is just a reflection of where I am and where I have yet to go. This deal may be over for now but it may come back around, and that is what I am hopeful of, but for now, me and the clouds will connect and be in tune for today. Tomorrow may be a whole different story.

I wanted to share this with you because I feel that everyone has decisions in their lives to make. Everyone has to have a clear sight on the vision they have for their lives and doing things for immediate gratification is not a good way to live. It will cost you in the long run. On the flip note, being too reserved and not taking risk is equally bad because you will be safe but you may not live to your highest and best purpose in life. Find the middle ground and let your roller coaster live on. Only make sure the hills are not as steep as mountains and ravines.

Thanks for reading my post! I hope that it helps you to know that someone out there cares enough to share and can relate to some of the things you are going through in your own life.