build your beautiful self

I had an interesting day yesterday. I went out to Hinkley to watch my friend barrel race her horse. I love barrel racing. The horses are so athletic and it always amazes me the speed they can muster up in a short distance. They are beautiful creatures.

On my way home from the barn we had to stop at Tobies to get some of their amazing caramel rolls. They are the best thing ever and a fantastic treat that my entire family enjoys. I brought my daughter in there to have some lunch, grab some of the gooey goodness and head home.

But for me, there is history there.

I moved to Pine city with my son’s father when I was 19 years old. We lived in a 2 bedroom farm shack that was in disrepair, but since I was so young, I had no clue what I was doing. I had a toddler at the time and made very little money. We raised pigs and chickens for food in our run down barn. The father would disappear with our only car most of the time and I was left 7 miles out of town with no running vehicle. I’m thankful that nothing happened to me or my son in the times that we were left to our own devices, because I didn’t have a friend in the world up there to help me in a pinch.

I was always the one who worked in our relationship to provide for my family and I went through a few crap jobs before landing a server position at Tobies. I would make my way there for every shift and actually enjoyed going to work because it was my only salvation from the farm and the bitter man in my life. I hated going to work, also, because I knew while I was gone, my son was not left in the most capable hands, but I had to go.

I worked at the restaurant for about 8 months, only missing shifts when my son was sick or I had to take him to the city for doctor appointments. He had a few medical conditions at the time that needed tending to. I remember one week I put in a day off request. I left the note by the scheduling board 2 weeks in advance like they asked us to. I verified with the scheduling person that I would have the day off. I had scheduled a full day of doctor’s appointments for my son at Children’s clinics in the city so I wouldn’t have to make the trip multiple times different days that week. I checked with the scheduling person the week before the appointments and the day before she made the schedule for the following week. I was assured that I would have the day off.

I went into work the week of the appointment and saw that I had been scheduled for the day that I was to be in the city (go figure). I went and spoke with the manager and told her that I had requested that day off and was told I needed to find someone to cover that shift now that I was scheduled for it. I found a coworker that was willing to take my day since she knew that I needed to make those appointments. I thought all was right in the world, took my day off, and headed to the city.

Hour after hour of appointments with cardiologists, respiratory specialists and standard family practice doctors, watching my son get poked and prodded, and answering the same questions a million times, I headed home exhausted. I came home to the house that looked like a tornado had hit it while I was gone. Chores needed to be taken care of because there was no way the “man” of the house was going to do it. I made my son dinner after we fed and watered the animals and collapsed into bed with my son by my side. He was just as tired as I was. We curled up and went to sleep.

The next day I went into work at my normally scheduled time and was called into the managers office. I walked into the office wondering what she could possibly want. I was on time for my shift and ready to work to make my tip money for the day.

She proceeded to tell me that I no longer was welcome to work at the restaurant. I was extremely confused because I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out what I had done to make this happen. Our conversation started with her telling me “you no longer have a job here.” I asked her to explain and she told me that I didn’t show up for my shift the day before and that is instant grounds for firing me. I explained to her that I had secured another girl to take my shift since I was scheduled on a day that I had asked for 2 weeks previously and again the week before. I should mention that this woman always made comments about the fact that I was a teenage mother, and she didn’t approve. She would purposefully make little things at work difficult for me and she let me know that she did not like me one bit. Thought I was a piece of garbage since I wasn’t married, and had a child at such a young age.

I pleaded with her to keep my job. I told her I had a son with medical needs and I needed the job to take care of my son. I told her that this job was the only source of income that I had and I loved coming to work. My pleading fell on deaf ears. She told me that I should have cancelled my appointments and come to work, because if the job meant so much to me, then I would have made sure that I kept it. I told her that I had arranged for someone to take my shift even though I had asked for the day off, and I had no idea she didn’t show up. After about a half an hour of me basically on my knees begging to keep my job she looks up from her paperwork and says “well I guess you are just a loser then, huh? Drop your stuff on the chair and get out of here.”

I was heartbroken and scared, not to mention completely enraged at the last comment. How dare she judge me like that. At the time I had plenty of thoughts that were negative in my mind because she insulted me to my core. I couldn’t stand that woman and she had always had it out for me. I was young and playing the victim for sure because I hadn’t learned any other way to be.

Fast forward to yesterday. I pop in to grab lunch and caramel rolls. I am sitting looking at the menu and who do I spot? The same lady that fired me many years before. Holy cow!!! She still worked there! I was instantly flooded with emotion when I saw her. I would never forget what she looked like. Her image was burned into my brain. She looked almost the same, but bigger and more wrinkles. I looked across the table at my daughter who is determining that she wants pancakes for lunch and realize how far I have come from that day that I was fired. I had to be certain that it was, in fact, the same lady that I remembered (I’m getting older and my memory isn’t always the best). The server confirmed that that lady had been working there for a really long time. It WAS her!

I contemplated talking to her through the lunch we ate as I watched her run through the restaurant cleaning, seating, putting things away and chatting with the other servers. She even came and cleaned off our dirty dishes while we were sitting there. I chose to be quiet at that moment.

Thinking about it now with my mindset in helping people and being in the position in life I am in, I tried to think of all the reasons that she may have treated me the way she did. I mean, she must be near retirement age at this point and has worked at the same restaurant for over 20 years. She was a veteran already when I had worked there.

There must have been so many things in her life that were either not good or she had some kind of religious self-righteousness when I was there which caused her to feel the way she did about me. I started thinking of the possibilities and instantly felt sorry for her. I also thought about the fact that her firing me was likely an open door there for me to change my life. I moved back to the cities after she fired me and shortly after, I split from the dead weight and my life has really catapulted from there. At a young age, I had one door close and another open in a moment of anger and fear. Obviously I was not meant to live that life.

I took a photo of the woman as a reminder and I wanted to share the story with my family with visual aids. I then decided that I would leave the server a note. I had received excellent service from the waitress so I felt that maybe she too was meant for greatness. I also knew that the lady would hear the message I wrote on the receipt and it could show her that sometimes the things you do and say affect people in ways you may not realize.

“I wanted to let you know that your service was excellent and I appreciate the care you gave us. Here is the story behind my question. I was 19 years old and I worked here. I had requested a day off in advance and was scheduled anyway. The person I got to cover my shift didn’t show and I was fired. After pleading with her because I was basically a single mom, I was left with the comment “Well I guess you are a loser then, huh” I will never forget that statement. I now own 3 businesses. Thanks, Alissa”

I ran out of room on the receipt so I had to shorten the story, but I wanted her to know that her loser comment helped shape me and waitresses can go on to do great things.

Caddy…maybe…but my intent was to show that even in the bad situations, you may have new situations appear. I wanted that lady to know that this loser went on to do great things and continues to grow. She underestimated me at the time and maybe she has changed, but her words are sharp to someone who is in need and I would like to think she takes better care of her staff now. I also left $15 on a $25 tab for the server who took such good care of us. I wanted our server to know I appreciated her.

I hope the purple shirt received the message and maybe thinks a bit about how she affects people’s lives in a management role. There are so many possibilities in the world and her mean spirited comment changed my life for the better. I am grateful for that. It also reinforced the goals I have in life to positively affect other’s lives and how I will not use that particular tactic to do it. I am thankful for the experience of seeing her again in the same position she was in when I left because I was able to share this story with my daughter and the life lessons that come along with it. She was able to see how to make a good choice from a negative situation and be grateful for others even if they were not nice to you because that is a lesson that you can capitalize on instead of holding a grudge. In life, you never know how you will affect others. Make sure you are remembered in a positive light, not a negative one. I have not seen her for 17 years and in one fleeting lunch date, seeing her was a life lesson for me and my daughter.